Task 7: Self-introduction Email
Subject: Self-introduction
Dear
Professor Brad,
My name is
Asher Ann, and I am staying in the northeastern part of Singapore. Previously,
I graduated from Ngee Ann Polytechnic with a diploma in Mechanical Engineering.
This interest of mine to pursue engineering was rooted from my dad’s experience
in the engineering sector. Moreover, during my internship period, I was working
under the building facility department and this area of engineering intrigued
me and here I am now pursuing Sustainable Infrastructure Engineering (Building
services) in Singapore Institute of Technology.
I would say
that my communication strength, is that I am able to maintain a good tone of
voice during the presenting as this helps me engage with the audience better. Besides,
my communication weaknesses, is that I tend to get nervous when I am presenting
and cause of that sometimes my message and ideas presented gets distorted. I also
will try to present as fast as possible to avoid being in the spotlight.
I am hoping from this effective communication module, I will be able to increase my confidence level during presentation or public speaking which is by maintaining a good level of eye contact with the audience. Hence being able to present with a good pace rather than rushing my points. I believe that I will be able to present my ideas and solutions in more concise and clear way.
I think
what makes me unique, is that I am a carefree person. My parents would agree to
this statement. As they have seen me not worrying about exams during my school
and poly years. It’s not that I don’t take them seriously but it’s that I don’t
get stressed about them, as I try to take one thing at a moment and just enjoy what
I am doing rather than being all worked up by them.
Thank you for taking the time to read my email.
Warmest regards,
Asher Ann
Letters commented on:
Tine
https://nyiyaza.wordpress.com/2021/09/18/formal-letter-to-professor-brad/
Syahirah
https://dreamersyyahh0099.blogspot.com/2021/09/task-7-formal-letter-self-introduction.htm
Casimir
https://casimirchian.blogspot.com/2021/09/formal-introduction-email.html
At a glance this looks interesting, Asher. I'll give detailed comments once your blogging buddies have done so.
ReplyDeleteHi Asher! I though the introduction letter was really well written, and every point was clearly expressed! Perhaps some different sentence structures would make it sound more exciting? Happy to know you better!
ReplyDeleteHi Tine, thanks for your comment and I will look into your recommendation.
DeleteHi Asher! I have just read your introduction letter, thought that it was well written and I love how detailed it is!
ReplyDeleteAnyways, in your first paragraph you have mentioned about your internship experience and how it sparked your interest in engineering. I felt that the sentence beginning with "Moreover, ...." was a little too long. Maybe it would be better if you split the sentence up into half?
Do let me know what you think about my suggestion :) See you in class!
Hi Jane, thanks for your comment. I will try to split up the sentence you mentioned.
DeleteHi Asher
ReplyDeleteThank you for writing your self-introduction letter. I get to know more about you.
The letter was nicely planned out, making it easy to read. In your last paragraph, "poly years", I felt like you should spell it out instead of using the short form unless you have indicated it at the start.
That is all from me. I look forward to getting to know you better.
Hi Farhanah, thanks for your comment. I will look into it and edit those.
DeleteHi Asher
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing your self-introduction letter. You have covered all the points in the task with clarity.
In your letter, I found a few sentences that can be improved. But do correct me if I am wrong. Some of the sentences are;
1. "Besides, my communication weaknesses, is that I tend to get nervous when I am presenting and cause of that sometimes my message and ideas presented gets distorted."
Instead, you can arrange the sentence like this; My communication weakness is that I will get nervous in front of the class. This lead to my message and idea getting distorted.
2. "I also will try to present as fast as possible to avoid being in the spotlight."
I think what you meant is that you will speak in a fast manner to finish the presentation. I do not believe that you will try to do your presentation quickly. Hence, you can write it like this; In addition, I tend to present hastily to avoid being in the spotlight.
Overall, I found your letter to be clear. However, you can improve more. I hope that you will be able to build on your sentence structure. I will be looking forward to seeing you in class.
Regards
Syahirah
Hi Syahirah. Thanks for your comments. It is very detailed and you helped me spot some errors. I will edit them soon.
DeleteDear Asher,
ReplyDeleteThanks for this generally clear and concise yet detailed letter. You cover all the assignment bases. It's interesting too that, like others, you write that you have a father in the industry.
You also are concise while explaining your communication strength and weakness, tying both to self confidence. It's interesting that you tend to get nervous while presenting but still can maintain voice control.
In the spirit of growth and skills development, let's review a few language issues to take note of:
1. punctuation
-- strength, is that > strength is that
-- Besides, my communication weaknesses, is ... > ?
-- public speaking which is by maintaining a good level of eye contact with the audience. > ?
--
2. phrasing/word choice
-- Besides, > (wrong transition) Besides that,
-- Besides, my communication weaknesses, is that I tend to get nervous when I am presenting and cause of that sometimes my message and ideas presented gets distorted. > Besides that, my communication weaknesses is that I tend to get nervous when I am presenting. The cause of that is that sometimes my message and ideas get distorted.
3. sentence fragment
-- Hence being able to present with a good pace rather than rushing my points. > ?
-- As they have seen me not worrying about exams during my school and poly years. ? >
I ook forward to assisting in your skills refinement this term. Going to Zoom migt make this a bit tricky, but we can try our best.
Cheers,
Brad
Hi Prof Brad, thanks for commenting on my letter. I will look into the comments given by you and edit them soon.
Delete